i'm moving on...

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school's been exciting for me. but too bad motor skills module has ended. but PTL, ART & CRAFT module is next up. i guess it's my thing, so i will naturally be more happy. hee* oh and music and movement too. i like modules that let me move around and jump and dance. :) i guess maybe i am born a jump-y person, and i can't sit still. that's why my ministry is children church? :) smiles. God gives us different character to fit where He places us.

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recently there are quite many interior F15/16 class conflicts. i didn't know of any but felt the tention. thankfully i am not part or involved in any, anyway i won't want to be involve in one too. felt that its pretty scary to know of people this way but yet they are NOT what you think they are at all behind you. renu and idayu shared a few incidents that happened during the 3 months that shocked both kat and me. really jaws dropped. -__- i can only say that i feel sad that people are so competitive over the slightest thing. insecurity? i really don't know how to understand them who are quite good with the behaviourist theories but yet behaving in the opposite way.

saddening. God pls help me not and never to be like them. to the best that i can i want to shine for You.

Pst shared, if you want to be an educator, be a REAL one and be EQUIPPED with the right skills and i guess ATTITUDE too. and i am really inspiried to be a good teacher out there to really help the next generation of children. someday when i have take up basic first aid skills, i want to equip myself ready to go for mission trips, so that if possible help out with the children church there. :)

who says that preschool teacher can only stay within the 4 walls of a kindergarden or childcare? get out of that boxed up thinking.

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jason's joke:
you CANNOT read bible on the osim chair, if you have one. why?
cos you are in your 'comfort zone'.

went for my check up for my cutie toe. so anyway doctor said it was a nice and clean wound, and it looks good. the best part is it will heal nicely if i continue to take good care of it and the scar wouldn't be very visable. anyway it's on the toe, no silly person will really take notice unless they use a magifying glass to find. haha* :) so i'm really glad. but one thing bad about it is i got to stop moving about too much. which is so un-me.

things i can't go now:
- run
- tip toe
- jump
- chash bus
- wear cover shoes

sigh* at least it is a good training to be more 'girl'? argh pls. i don't have to learn it the hard way. haha*

went down to sentosa after class to meet up with the gang. it was quite irritating when i practically ring everyone trying to find out where they were and none picked up. so i finally found them after getting Nick who left earlier. :/ since i can't go into the waters and i've got a camera, i was the photographer. :) the guys were a little weird, they kept trying to be the flying, or maybe should i say they really miss POS and want to have a chance to be the flyer. haha* and the girls, stood a side a watch. this is such a opposite scene of a normal POS training. haha* those guys are really funny.

the best part i like most was playing the guitar with hongyun while waiting for them to wash up. playing the guitar and 'worshipping' God at the beach is really cool and relaxing and fun. :) practised my guitar skills again, in case i got to play for thurday's prayer meeting. hee* got to always be prepared so that God can use me anytime. :)

celebrated shiqi's 21st birthday. it was a surprise for her, which was good. all our plans came to pass. i love her. she's my fav friend in POS, cos she's always so encouraging and loving. :) i believe she has a big heart and that's something i OUGHT to learn to have too. friends like her are really God's gift. :) i like the way she calls me, 're-re'. with that, if you are NOT shiqi, don't call me that. haha*

i found myself sleeping on the sofa with my com left on overnight again. and woke up with my poor toe feeling a bit painful, think i hit it against something while sleeping. argghh. it was indeed a deep cut, as the plaster i put on last night was covered with blood. it was a sharp cut i would say, and i dare not looked at it too much, as i think i might get nightmares. haha* like i was saying how nice joyce was, she called me so early even before i could leave the house to ask about my toe. so sweet. :)

got myself ready and prepare to see a doctor to check if he could give me any medicine or do something to it. when the doctor saw it and found out what happened, he was shocked. now everyone knows that queue-poles are sharp stuff to not play around with. so he gave me two options:
1. to have the wound stitched up but it will hurt and i have to be careful when i walk if not the stitch will expose and i have to do it all over again...
2. to let it heal on itself but need to clean and dress it daily. and if not taken care of properly will be expose to bateria and cause germs and eventually will be bad.

so the two options are hard to choose from cos they both require me to not move around too much. to think of it makes me sick, cos in the next 30mins, i will have cell and then outreach and then children church at night. how can i stay put and not move about? so in the end, after changing my mind again, i decided to have it stitch up. getting it done once and for all. sounds as if i was making some major decision... but anyway my toe is an important part of my body.

the minor operation was quite painful and 'scary'. i didn't know what to expect, how much pain to bare and all. though the injection numbed my toe, i could still feel the thread moving thru the skin. haha* sounds digusting but well... i was supposed to have 4 stitches, but doctor managed to do it with 3. its better than telling me i need 5. now i can't really move much but it's cool to have thread on your toes eh? i walk like some ah-ma now...

so had cell, played human bingo. after a few tough rounds of hopping around to get signature...i was FIRST. yeah. cell message was really nice, talking about the friends we make in our lives and all. after which we had our Great Singpaore Sales Idol outreach. at first i didn't wanted to play as i was worried that we have to run about alot and i didn't want to injured my toe further. but anyway i still led my team down to bugis for a good bargin.

audrey was my good model. she does all the trying of clothes and shoes. val helped to match clothes which i directed everyone like some superviser. and my dearest selywn and guowen are like 'boyfriends' standing a a corner chit chatting while we girls do the shopping. haha* our vintage theme was quite interesting and we came in 3rd. no prize but got recogination, so that means i got good taste and we have good coordination of ideas. :) power to vininque. what's that? my team's name. haha*

children church was fun. joyce really ensure and double, triple checked that i was not jumping too much. though i feel restricted but i know eventually it was for my own toe good. art and craft was a little weird but i feel that some kids enjoyed it by helping their friends decorate the clothes. :) kids are the sweetest people to work with. and oh, javier called me, 'ya-feng' as he was telling his mum he saw me while walking to hall 1. haha* by the way, that's another teacher's name by yaofeng. i wasn't sad cos i was happy enough when he smiled and recognised me when i called him and held my hands to walk together. i love kids. they're simple so adorable, though sometimes they drive you up the walls.

my toe... haha* is good and it will be.

yesterday was a fun time cooking in class. my group dish turned out well as it was simple and easy to prepare. yeah. :) i love kitty's group japanese pizza. it tasted so good that i can't help myself for many servings. yvette comment that each time she turned her head, she'll be seeing me eating something from some group. hee* i simple loved eating or maybe i was too hungry as i overslept a little and rushed down class with an emtpy stomach. haha*

but the food was good. simple dishes can taste really well and healthy at the same time with careful planning. sometimes i think i better watch what i put into my mouth, esp late at night. i am getting weird cravings for Ruffles Cheddar & Sour Cream potato chips in the middle of the night and i will make that special trip to 7-11 to buy a packet. the bad thing is i can finish it all by myself without feeling sick of it but only wanting more. arggh i think i should be getting fat if i don't stop. :/

went down to expo after my class to help unpack the stuff. i guess i wasn't inform of the change of meeting time and i was almost 1.5 hours early. walked passed john little mega sales but i wasn't interested so i decided to sit and wait and meanwhile sleep a little. suddenly, 'Oei Regina...why you sleeping here?' alvin called out. haha* it was good to see him there, at least there was somone to talk to while waiting. he's a nice guy who has a really sweet looking sister. :) finally when it was 7pm everyone started coming in to help unpacking.

the place was full of boxes, all moved from hall 8. it was really fun moving all the boxes and metal cupboards though it was hard to control the wheels of the cupboard. then we had the maps and the search for our maps and tables. who says moving is boring? not when you do it as a group of people who enjoys work too. while having all the smiles on faces, while carrying the queue-pole into the room, i accidently drop it on my feet and had a stretched on my toe. Ouch k!

at first i thought it was some normal pain that will go away later, but i felt the pain coming stronger and saw my toe bleeding. it was bleeding quite badly that it flowed a little onto my sandle base. excused myself to the toilet and had a shocked to see the cut so i tried to quickly wash it with lots of water before pasting the plaster that i had. went back to help but i felt crippled as my leg hurt and the plaster seems to be falling off and there was so much left to help out to do.

left with no choice, i asked joyce if there's a first aid kit. when she knew that i had a cut, she quickly accompanied me to the toilet, wanting to help me treat the wound. thankfully, she was trained in first aiding and was sure of cleaning wounds and all. she told me it was quite a deep cut that requires stitching. sis gloria's faical expression shows that she feels painful for me. but joyce was cool while treating my poor toe. she was really very nice and gentle, like the nicest nurse i know of or rather first nurse that help to treat my injury, constantly checking if it was too painful and all.

so i was a little like limping after the small bandage i had due to the pain. throughout the whole unpacking and setting up of the room, she kept ensuring that i wasn't given the tough job and my toe was okie. it was really sweet of her. i used to feel that she really fierce cos she was always strict with the slightest detail, but i like her style cos she has the spirit of excellence. people who excel higher than the best are people who pay attention to details. :) so joyce is like my role model to look up to in children church. heh*

my mum was so worried when i reached home as i called earlier from expo and told her about the accident. mums are the best person on earth. thank God for mothers. she helped me prepare my new set of bandage while i take my time to prepare to bath, before she goes off to bed, as it was quite late already. the funny thing was, she wasn't upset for the accident but because i was home late and my injury made her more angry for coming home late. haha*

so anyway... my toe was fine for the night. :)

been having a little problem with msn spaces for a few days. it won't load properly and its a little messed up on the settings. it's either my com or me. :)

emerge 2006 is over and so are my night trainings. it was a great session of moving on to the next level spiritually and mentally. i really learn so much during the sessions and was indeed bless by Pastor Kong's hard preparation. though some where brushing up sermons, but it felt as it was heard the first time. everything is still very clear in my head and i see myself moving onwards the next level. being in the world but not of the world. most importantly not withdrawing from it and be lukewarmers by serving God and not offending the devil. wow, that sentence was really powerful and i guess it really hit straight into many people's heart. ;) yeah.

it was a great conference, full of queueing up session, screaming and cheering for SP and the good reports, singing, praising, worshipping, snapping of photos... so much that it took me so long just to send out all the photos to 1 person. :/ for the rest, i divided the photos into 5 files to send out. pretty troublesome but had no chioce. everyone wanted the photos and i can't possiblity on my com the whole week just to let everyone have it. so we do MLM. :) which is effective and good. haha*

i'm really bless this emerge. apart from the sessions, i was and am blessed with really nice POS friends, who will be crazy with me and all... but most importantly growing strong in the Lord together. people like shiqi [esp], thomas, phileo, emil, meiping... and so on are really nice people. in fact the whole gang are the most fun and best group to work with. too bad i am ready leaving SP, if not i can have more fellowships with them. not that i can't but i got to remember that we have to move on in life. :)

and i think i miss trainings... being flung up, the 7-11 at SMU: the cup noodles, gulp, snacks, the last bus i run after for... though tiring but i really had fun. so much fun. :)

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i watched a show just now, 13 going on 30. a show i remembered watching at my friend's place. a show that reminded me to appreciate the things, the people beside us, though it don't always look good on the surface. afterall it is always the inside that counts a great deal right. :) i laugh alot and was almost moved to tears. it makes you feel young in an 'older' body. heh* i like what the mum said when she didn't want to change any history of her life. we make mistakes so that we can learn how to make things right again. isn't that an amazing statement that we all got to always always remember? mistakes can't be avoided. we just have to learn to make things right. hard, i know but at least we don't dwell in our sad story. i like the show and i think i always will...

"...(paused) jena, i always loved you."

what are the memories we shared that when we look back we will laugh but yet enjoy doing it together? moving on... :) that it does affect me even when i think of it anymore. cos i am strong and i am my superwoman.

"I loved her so much that I had to let go, knowing that whatever happens, she is happier outside. I prayed and blessed her relationship knowing full well that she may never return. But at the same time knowing that if she ever did, she’ll be mine forever." - cited of someone's blog.

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today before going for our last practise at SMU, one friend was sharing with me him about another friend of mine, finding his back his sweetheart and was telling me about how he planned his sweetheart's birthday 5 years back and all. upon hearing all that, i felt silence in my heart. how should i response to what he shared? and i actually said, 'that's good!' then i smiled and walked away slowly with that mixed feeling mixed up within me. i'm not heartbroken or that shouldn't be the word to use, nor am i jealous cos from the begining i knew of her presence and how much he liked her. it's just a werid feeling that rings within... to think that i thought it won't affect me at all after so long...

i need and have to drop everything and look high and ahead. moving on is easy but never when the old things hold you back. it's like i'm holding onto something that i thought was good and right for me but yet did not work out as i expected. i'll be happy for them, really if they are going to be or are already together. yes i do like him, but that was history isn't it? it's okie to feel sad, weird, and every other kinds of other emotions, cos i am only human to feel that way. but most importantly is to not dwell in it.

"One of life's most important lesson is that we learn from our still ongoing relationships with each other is that often we need to let go, in order to give."

i later shared with shiqi about it. i'm glad she was there to listen to me at that moment. :) i'm not feeling sad about the whole thing nor do i feel lost. it's just an unexplainable feeling within. if it's yours, it will be yours forever. just like our life being a train that moves from station to station and the people in your cabins are people that comes in and out of your life from the different stations of life. at the end of the day, it's never the same number from the day you start.

with that, i have more stations to go to later in my life journey.

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"Lastly to end it all off i want to say that i learnt 1 but very important lesson from Regina. That is does not take alot of time to grow a relationship & to fully understand another. It just takes alot of sincerity & a sanguine spirit! Cheers!" - cited of my friend's blog :)